The Tale of the Bully and the Betrayer: The Perfect Match

Sarah Saxby

Sarah Saxby

I'm an intuitive coach and visionary focusing on personal transformation and spiritual business coaching. I'm here to support your creative endeavors, develop holistically, and empower your highest sense of direction so you can see what you have been missing to achieve personal and collective potential.

partial image of a man and woman holdings hands, representing the article "The Tale of the Bully and the Betrayer The Perfect Match" by Comfortable Hell

I know this guy, we will call him DB. DB is a master manipulator and a predator. He is insecure, obnoxious, and angry. He’s had two long-term relationships and both times they ended with his partners calling him a monster, which, by all intents and purposes, is a pretty harsh thing to be called.

Both ex-partners wrote about the abuse and torture they experienced at the hands of DB, but if you ask him, he will tell you he’s quite a catch. DB’s last partner, Sov, left him high & dry not too long after his last abusive explosion. It was heartbreaking because she loved her home and had to make the brave choice to uproot everything and everyone in the process. Sadly, she also had to give up the only puppy she ever owned because, according to experts, including her local police department, going “no contact” with a sociopath, stalker, and wack-job is really the only option.

DB greatly disliked being left so abruptly because he lost all control over Sov. He no longer had his energy supply. Frantically, he had to find something, some way, maybe even someONE to help him gain back some power. But who, you may ask, would be unconscious enough to fall into his next trap?

Allow me to introduce Blair. Blair is a very angry person.  She’s generally miserable, makes everyone around her miserable, believes her way is the only way, and is very jealous of Sov. I guess you can say she would be the perfect victim for DB’s manipulation tactics – eager to believe the lies that fall from his mouth because, finally, someone would be validating her delusional feelings about Sov. Yay!!

You see, Blair is married to Sov’s ex-husband and has incessant thoughts of him running back to her. It’s pretty jacked up, actually. Because if Blair feels that way, that’s her own BS, as Sov never gave any impression that she ever wanted her ex back, nor would she ever entertain the thought of taking him back. He wasn’t good enough for her then or now.  He is a weakling and a doormat. I can, however, understand Blair’s concern and jealousy over Sov, as she is a queen. She is the whole package – honest, kind, intelligent, funny, just beautiful inside and out.

Over the years, Sov offered nothing but friendship to Blair, mostly to keep peace within the families. Sov’s children are first and foremost in her life and she wanted to make sure they only were witnesses to mature, supportive interactions among all of their parents. For the most part, that is what they experienced. Blended families can be difficult, but Sov (while eating a lot of shit sandwiches) was an adult and kept things peaceful for her children. Really, from anyone’s point of view, Sov and Blair appeared to be friends…at least Sov believed they were.

They hung out here and there, confided in each other, shared experiences and feelings, and offered advice to one another. All the things friends typically do. But there was also something that didn’t feel quite right within Sov. It was like this internal voice constantly telling her NOT to trust Blair, but she ignored that inner guidance. She foolishly wanted to believe that all people were honest and trustworthy, especially Blair, and particularly right before leaving DB.

This was a time when Sov felt incredibly alone, afraid, and unaware of what move she should make. For the very first time, Sov spoke up about the horrific abuse, manipulation, and torture she had been enduring for many years, as Blair listened. Blair’s immediate advice – “Sov, you are being abused and you need to get the hell out of that house.” And so, she did.

closeup image of three woman standing against each other's back with their head down, representing the article "The Tale of the Bully and the Betrayer: The Perfect Match" by Comfortable Hell

Now Sov was no stranger to betrayal, her mom taught her all about that at an early age. Trust those that seemingly love you, watch as they feed you to the wolves, and understand that you are powerless to do anything about it anyway. Shrink yourself so others around you can feel big. Stay quiet so your environment will remain safe and comfortable. In Sov’s life, there always seemed to be a bully and a betrayer. Someone that abused her and another person that fell victim to that abuser’s manipulation – and then subsequently betrayed Sov.

It was a divine and beautifully orchestrated opportunity for transformation, but without the corresponding awareness, it just manifests as yet another hardship to endure… over, and over, and over again.

As you might have guessed, Blair betrayed Sov. She reached out to DB, took him to lunch – as she put it “to make sure he was ok.” She was concerned for his well-being and told Sov she was a liar and made up the stories of abuse. Ha, right. Sov spent hours crafting stories of sexual, emotional, financial, and verbal abuse, and stalking so she can uproot her children, her home, and leave the only puppy she ever loved. Her exact words were “I can do whatever the fuck I want to do”.  Obviously, this was not about Sov, it was about Blair and her own issues of lying and betrayal.

One might ask, what does Blair even have to do with DB? Why would they even be in contact at all? Great questions! Just to put this insanity into perspective, say you are a man (traditionally speaking) – this would be like your current wife, reaching out to your ex-wife’s ex-boyfriend and having a relationship with that person, be it what it may, of course. So not only is it twisted and inappropriate, it’s also just purely f*cked up. Especially as Sov’s children try to reconcile the nonsense and their dad just sits and allows his wife to have an inappropriate relationship with the man that abused their mom.  Oh, and Blair watches Sov’s dog on a regular basis.  Imagine how her kids feel about that…? I can assure you that they are VERY uncomfortable and cannot make sense of it.

The funny, yet sad, part about this story is that DB has found another victim and she’s clueless. He has no capacity to truly care about any one, he doesn’t know how. He’s a lifelong 12-year-old who sucks the lifeblood of others to survive. His strategy in all of this is simply to have a link to Sov, not because he cares to have a relationship with Blair. By staying close to Blair, DB attempts to keep a connection and pathetic hope of control. In some ways, he still has access to Sov and can receive information on what she is doing, where she is, etc. through Blair.  Even though Sov uprooted her entire life to get herself and her children away from that psychopath, and she even filed a police report when she left, her ex-husband is STILL allowing DB access to their children.  After all the work Sov did to remove DB from her life, he found a way in through the weakest and most clueless people around.  See how easily this happens? Sneaky shits, those narcissists. His only operating system is manipulation, self-interest, and endlessly searching, externally, for ways to get his needs met. Nice work, DB.  But you know you will never be smarter or faster than Sov.

Best wishes, bully and betrayer. There was never a more perfect match.

an image of a sad black woman seated on the floor with text overlay of a quote from the article "The Tale of the Bully and the Betrayer The Perfect Match" by Comfortable Hell

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