I have a “friend”, we will call her Kacee – I believe her to be beautiful, inspiring, and very wise. She was married once but divorced quite some time ago. She and her ex have children and they share custody.
Now, if you ask me, no one is good enough for her. I mean, I guess maybe, and that’s a big MAYBE, there might be someone out there that can handle her tenacity, drive, beauty, and depth, but so far, no one has managed to be worthy. It’s obvious that she doesn’t realize her power, although I do… and everyone else she knows can see it, too.
When she was married to this guy, we didn’t really understand it completely, but when your friend seems happy, you don’t really want to interfere with that. Besides, we could tell she wouldn’t have had the ears to hear what any of us had to say, anyway. I’m pretty sure she felt stuck in that relationship, like she made the bed and her only option was to sleep in it. So, she did, miserably, for several years.
Kacee was also a very trusting person. Sometimes I wanted to smack her upside the head because she put trust in people that would inevitably screw her over. Why could she not see that? She wanted so badly for all people to be inherently good, but really, they’re not. There are people who do horrible things, literally just do horrible things.
Unfortunately, she was a magnet for these kinds of people and her husband was one of them. We knew it. She, on the other hand, wanted to believe he was good, honest, and trustworthy. Most likely because it was EASIER that way.
It takes energy, responsibility, and courage to stick up for yourself and fight for what is right and fair. You have to be able to face the fear of possibly upsetting someone and being disliked. God forbid, being disliked.
Kacee, as always, took the more “comfortable” and familiar route of just making sure everyone remained happy, and it was typically at her expense – emotionally, psychologically, and financially.
It did take strength for her to finally ask her husband for a divorce, but that’s where her firmness ended. She just wanted out, but she also felt so guilty for breaking up the family. So, to some degree, she thought she deserved to carry 100% of any current and future burdens. She didn’t take ONE CENT from her husband when she left, although he had plenty to take.
Not only did she feel she didn’t deserve it, she didn’t want to upset him or his family, or look like a bad person in the eyes of their friends. She didn’t plan ahead, didn’t think through what it would take to support herself and her children on her end.
She struggled most days. She had the kids, for the most part, every night and every weekend, while her soon-to-be ex-husband was going out on “dates.” He said to her “well, you were the one who wanted to be a single parent, so now you have to deal with it.”
Now, to be certain, she couldn’t care less about these dates he went on, she was glad he wasn’t barking up her tree anymore, but the concern was the quality of mental health of some of these people he was spending time with.
At one point he brought his gun over to her house because he was concerned about what one of these women might do. What was Kacee supposed to do? She was working all week long. She had very small children to take care of 100% of the time she was not at work (keep in mind, this was by design of her ex, because if she had the kids all the time, she wouldn’t be able to have a life outside of the home).
She also struggled to make ends meet financially because she didn’t fight for what was fair during the divorce, yet, at the end of the day, she was still the bad guy and very much disliked. Go figure. So really, if she was going to be hated anyway, she might as well be hated with money in the bank.
But she endured, danced around everyone’s emotions, and trusted shitty people. She gave up her family home for a measly amount of money from her ex, which, by the way, he was paying in installments but conveniently decided to stop paying. She never got the agreement in writing. Why? Because she foolishly trusted a jackass.
She was also naive enough to give this guy a key to her new apartment so he could get in and out more easily when he would pick up the kids. You know how he ended up using that key while she was at work? To bring his girlfriends there to have sex on her bed. Yep, he did that and God knows what else. Did Kacee do anything about it when she found out? Nope.
She never even confronted him because it may upset him and people may not like her. She may be viewed as a mean person, so he just gets to walk away because he married someone who didn’t respect herself.
But I respect her. Her tribe respects her.
So, Kacee, don’t ever for a minute look back with an ounce of regret. You just didn’t know and you weren’t ready to stand up for yourself. You didn’t have the proper muscles like you do now. We will never let this happen again and neither will you.
No more giving expensive honesty to cheap people.
Sarah Saxby is a Holistic Nutrition Consultant, Transformation Coach, and blogger that uses Kabbalistic Astrology, Human Design, and intuitive guidance to lead her clients to finally live with clarity, fulfillment, and internal happiness. You can also find her at Strategies for Happiness where you can schedule an Astrological Alignment Reading or a free, 15-minute Discovery Call to discuss Nutrition and/or Transformational Coaching sessions.
