My guess is that many of us have been in a situation where you start dating someone and there’s a “crazy” ex. Everybody loves to tell those stories, right? There’s so much energy to gain when we’re talking about all the psychotic things the ex is doing, saying, etc.
Now, as I mentioned in my previous blog, there are people who have no problem doing horrible things to people, literally just to do them, so I get that. But I feel, oftentimes, we’re so infatuated with our new hologram of a partner, that we prefer to just talk about how crazy the ex is, rather than, at the very least, consider some of what this person is actually saying.
Once again, it’s just easier. It also makes us feel pretty darn good about ourselves. And besides, WE are the lucky ones now, right? WE won the prize!
Let me briefly explain why I call new partners “holograms”. I really don’t believe that we truly see someone for who they really are in the beginning of a relationship, nor are we necessarily who WE really are either.
I mean, look at me, for God’s sake. I’ve had 1000 relationships and not once have I EVER been myself. I call myself a pod-person, just walking around, mitigating my behavior to please the other person. Who cares about my needs and boundaries? Obviously not me. One of my greatest friends in the world, Peter “Pete” Peterson, and I call them “soulmate suits.”
You go out on a date and the person is wearing that damn soulmate suit, so we think it’s our freaking soulmate and we start doing stupid shit, like saying “I love you” way too soon, or jointly make a big purchase, or sharing finances, or moving in together. You get what I’m saying.
Six months later, the suit falls off and we don’t even know who we’re looking at anymore, but ah, it’s too late now! We already did all that stupid shit that I mentioned. Gotta move forward with this stranger you’d really rather hit in the head with a frying pan than live with, all while remaining a pod-person.
So, now actually listening to their ex’s warnings, or even just reflecting a bit on what they’re saying doesn’t seem like too much to ask if it’s going to save you from years of torture, does it?
I was in a situation once where the ex did put out a very serious APB. And I mean, like no joke. If I think back to everything she said, it lines up perfectly with what I went through. The writing was on the wall… and on social media, but I turned a blind eye.
I do have to say that she did and said some pretty awful things about me without even knowing me. She ruined many of my days. But let’s face it, she was pissed about how things ended up and didn’t want to see him happy. Whatever. I have to consider all of the red flags, including her giant one, that I chose to ignore just to remain comfortable (hell, that is).
If I respected myself, set boundaries, and simply just took some time to get to know the person I was dating, everything would have come out in the proverbial wash very early in the relationship. But that would have taken effort on my part.
Here are a few things to consider that are so insanely obvious, but we brush under the rug:
- Your partner was in a relationship with someone you deemed as crazy.
- If their ex was crazy, how can your partner not have at least a little bit of crazy too?
- Your partner, with a little bit of crazy AND a crazy ex, also picked you.
Let’s face it, the relationship apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Here’s where I need to reflect on all of those “crazy” aspects and determine where they show up within me. People that drive us nuts are, hands down, the biggest mirrors for our personal growth. Until I can locate these aspects and transform them inside of me, I might still be ok with being a pod-person.
So, to the ex of any future dude I date, it’s possible that I will think you’re batshit crazy, but I promise to always heed your warnings.
Sarah Saxby is a Holistic Nutrition Consultant, Transformation Coach, and blogger that uses Kabbalistic Astrology, Human Design, and intuitive guidance to lead her clients to finally live with clarity, fulfillment, and internal happiness. You can also find her at Strategies for Happiness where you can schedule an Astrological Alignment Reading or a free, 15-minute Discovery Call to discuss Nutrition and/or Transformational Coaching sessions.
