It wasn’t easy making my last and, God willing, final break from Comfortable Hell. For the most part, I had to get speed-slapped by a few people before I actually woke up. You see, when you are living this way for so long, you consider it normal, right?
You don’t even realize… mostly because you alienate yourself from people that actually care about you. The people that would kick you in the ass and ask you “what in the hell are you doing?”
Those are the people that would open your eyeballs, so it’s easier to just stay away from them. Well, that’s what I did anyway for many years. I just stopped talking to friends because the resistance was too much to handle. Just talking on the phone with a friend became a struggle.
I couldn’t talk in private. If I actually did, I would get interrogated afterward. I had zero privacy, I was not an individual anymore. I was on this earth to be of service and meet the needs of my partner.
I remember so vividly the day I finally left. I was doing the last load of laundry that I would ever do in that home. I kept letting items of clothing fall on the ground so it took me way longer to finish.
It was like a dream, so surreal, yet bittersweet. I was dreaming of freedom and so incredibly excited to experience it, however, I was leaving everything I loved so much. Ugh, my home, the neighborhood, friends.
It was so heartbreaking to think of uprooting my kids and leaving what I had built. But the alternative was to turn yet another blind eye and keep living in torture.
Now what lead up to this prison break, you may wonder? Well, I can tell you that if it wasn’t for my son, I may still be there, unaware of the hell I never really needed to endure but didn’t know any better.
He is such an amazing and inspirational soul…and he loves me. But like for real, the real kind of love, not the unhealthy, dysfunctional garbage. The “I will only support you if it benefits me in some way” kind of bullshit.
My son waited for the right moment for the much-needed speed-slap. He said to me “mom, what in the world are you doing?” And that, my friends, was the beginning of the real end. He said to me, “if you’re hanging on because of me and my sisters, please don’t.”
I told him that the last thing in the world I ever want to do is to teach my children that being miserable in a relationship is okay. My son’s response was nothing short of brilliant, he looked at me and said “and yet, that’s exactly what you are doing.”
Why in the world did I put up with this? It’s not ok, not for one minute, to live a life of anger, sadness, bitterness, and dread…your kids are watching! Although I’m still working through so much and learning a lot about myself, I am free now.
This blog is my healing and I look forward to sharing much, much more about all that I have learned through this process.
If I don’t share it, what was the purpose? Bottom line, I am being kind to myself during this phase, learning to love and respect ME! I am worth it!!
Sarah Saxby is a Holistic Nutrition Consultant, Transformation Coach, and blogger that uses Kabbalistic Astrology, Human Design, and intuitive guidance to lead her clients to finally live with clarity, fulfillment, and internal happiness. You can also find her at Strategies for Happiness where you can schedule an Astrological Alignment Reading or a free, 15-minute Discovery Call to discuss Nutrition and/or Transformational Coaching sessions.
